Why use a Fleshlight to cure Death Grip Syndrome?

Because:

• It is one of the best toys to mirror what a vagina feels like – “Warm, wet, loose” relative to your hand.

• It comes with a extremely versatile hands free mount, called the ‘shower mount’ but usable virtually anywhere. This is key to achieving a complete hands-free orgasm rewiring.

• Fleshlights come in lifelike versions and non-lifelike versions. If one feels the vagina looking models are inappropriate, there are less human looking variants, like the Flight models.
• Fleshlights are available worldwide, with distributors in most major countries, and if you buy from Fleshlight.com (not some local store selling cheaper made counterfeits-see below) you’ll have a well-made tool that won’t perish for years.

So, which Fleshlight should I buy?

So I used to recommend the Lotus, Mini Lotus, and Pink Lady.

(EDIT: some of this website’s visitors have written in told me about their frustrations with learning to climax with a Fleshlight–in this case I’ve been recommending getting the Vibro Lady to make the transition a little easier [and in extreme cases, you could check out the Vavoom Pack, which is actually a pretty economical deal and, I can tell you, mimics a blowjob pretty well]. Learning to climax from something slow, warm and wet, instead of fast, dry and edge-fantasy filled can be hard! The Vibro Lady is great because it isn’t too ‘exotic’, and you can progress to more natural by turning the vibrations off.)

By lifelike, we mean the most similar to a vagina, and typically least exotic. The point here is to be able to climax with your lover, not learn to orgasm with something more intense than a vagina. Let me put it another way – you don’t want to buy the Stoya Destroya!The Lotus and Mini Lotus have been discontinued, but you can still get the Mini Lotus (at the time of writing) as a sleeve (doesn’t come with the case – this needs to be purchased separately – see below). One must also buy the case separately. So, here are our suggestions:

>> Option 1: Pink Lady (or Vibro Lady) + Shower Mount + lube
The Pink Lady was the first Fleshlight and is also the most simple. It just has a smooth funnel beyond the lips. In our opinion, it is most like the real thing and our number one recommendation. You will want to buy:
+ The Pink Lady Classic (or Vibro Lady);
+ The Shower Mount to break your hand-penis brain wiring; and
+ Some water-based lube (doesn’t matter where from, just make sure it isn’t silicon based)

>> Option 2: Mini-Lotus sleeve + Case + Shower Mount + lube
The Mini-Lotus sleeve was designed to feel most like a vagina; however, after reading many reviews, it appears to offer more stimulation than the Pink Lady. As such, the Mini Lotus remains our second recommendation, and the combination of sleeve + buying the case separately tends to make it more expensive.
For this option, you will want to buy:
+ The Mini-Lotus Sleeve;
+ An empty Fleshlight Case;
+ The Shower Mount; and
+ Some water-based lube

I found Fleshlights available online from a local store…

I got to chatting to a guy who was 27 and trying to follow the Fleshlight plan I outlined  on this website, and he was complaining about how the Fleshlight got mouldy within a week, and lost its tightness. After confirming he did the right cleaning things (wash clean under a tap with warm water, dry and apply the powder to keep the super skin product in good condition), I was curious so asked him to send photos. Surprisingly, the Fleshlight was clearly not the same as the one I received from Fleshlight.com, so I did some digging and realised that because Fleshlight have done so well, there are counterfeit Fleshlights on the market, and apparently being stocked by reputable adult toy distributors (everyone is vulnerable to being scammed, I guess).

This was in the United States.

My advice: buy from Fleshlight.com. You know you’ll get the real thing (which should last years, if you need it too). They have distribution houses in all the top countries, and it might save you the hassle (and annoyance) at receiving something that isn’t going to help you fix your sex life.

Hmm… I don’t want something so… human.

Many men (and their partners) have written in about being uncomfortable with using something graphically lifelike. Completely understandable, and you should look at the Flight options. These Fleshlights are not as long, being designed for travel, but most importantly have less lifelike aesthetics. There are a few options in this range, but we are recommending the Flight Aviator, as it is the less intense model.

But I’m gay – I want something more human, but less female

Adding this in after I was emailed a bunch of times by gay men looking to cure this same curse. Well, I went back to the Fleshlight site and they have a bunch of Fleshlights (called FleshJacks) now available specifically designed for men. You can should find them all here.

Don’t forget the lube

This is the most important part. If you have Death Grip Syndrome, you probably haven’t used too much lube in your life when it comes to masturbation. The lube that comes with the Fleshlight is fine, but all you need is water based lube (not silicon based, which will destroy the toy).

This can all end up being a bit expensive

Which was my thoughts exactly when I started down this path. Sometimes you can get value deals – I got my Pink Lady Classic plus lube plus the Shower Mount (and the renewal powder + antibacterial cleaner, which I’m not sure if you actually need) in a package deal that was quite doable. There is actually a deals page you should check in on here to see if there is an opportunity to save some money.

The other thing to ask yourself is this:

What would you pay to be cured of Delayed Ejaculation?

I spent $1,700 just on Hypnotherapy sessions. I spent untold hours reading research and combing through forums to try and find a workable, long-term path. I lost too much time not being happy and having regular sex.

But there is no silver bullet. All you can do is unwire and rewire your brain through a long and strict process. Breaking sometimes multiple decade long habits, and teaching yourself to climax with the feelings nature intended.

Did a Fleshlight cure your Death Grip Syndrome?

I want to hear from you! Contact me to share your story at argon.experimental@gmail.com. I would love to host your story so you can help inspire others or even get the message out there that they are not alone.

Many have emailed me directly, sharing your stories, your misery, determination to fix your love lives, and success. 

Email me if you need to share your story!

The post Cure Death Grip Syndrome with a Fleshlight appeared first on Beat Death Grip.

“The first time I had sex with my husband, he didn’t come.

I found out much later that this was standard for him — for most of his sex life, he got hard, but then lost it halfway through. As our relationship got serious, the sex got better, but it never seemed to feel like it should for me. Even when we were two young honeymooners with no kids and tons of time, we didn’t do it as often as I wanted. There were still times he didn’t come. He blamed it on dehydration, alcohol, work stress, lack of sleep, or worrying about my orgasm.

After a couple of kids and no time, inevitably we did it even less. He rarely asked for it. And if I asked for it, it was a crapshoot whether he would be into it. The timing had to be just right — he had to be well rested, not too drunk, not too full, not too busy. I told myself he probably had a low sex drive, and took what I could get.

Over the years, I only found porn a handful of times. He was crazy good at hiding it. But there was still a nagging feeling, a block in our sex life that I couldn’t figure out. Once we were laughing about the infamous Seinfeld masturbation episode, and I jokingly asked him how many times he jerked off per week. He looked uncomfortable, and admitted to 4-5 times per week. I was stunned. I of course wondered: How does he have the energy to jerk off that much but have no energy for me?

One day during an Internet research deep-dive into relationship and sexual issues, I read an article on porn addiction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction. In that moment, even without a lot of proof, I knew.

I told him about the article. To my shock, he told me that he’d long suspected he was addicted to porn, and that he used it most days of the week as a way to cope. He said he’d tried to kick it over the years, but couldn’t seem to, and he wanted to stop once and for all, with me and for me.

Now that I understood more of the extent of his relationship with porn, I felt terrified, betrayed, kind of horrified, but timidly hopeful. After he first quit, he said he felt empty and blank and wasn’t interested in sex. This, I found out, is a common response to quitting porn. But in the months that followed, he changed physically. He got harder than he ever had, and he came quickly and way more easily. He wanted sex more often. I told him how different his body seemed since quitting porn, and I think he was glad, but I also think it was extremely painful for him to realize the damage porn had done not just to our relationship, but to all of his past relationships and ultimately, of course, to himself. …”

Continue reading

Time to change?

Seize your destiny and change course. Start the Beat Death Grip Action Plan

The post “My Husband had PIED and I didn’t know for years” appeared first on Beat Death Grip.

Something that matters and is built on high
my perspective of others that soar and fly.
Luck and pathways and innate ambitions.
Crystalised moments of stony decisions.

A glass ceiling and a burning sun
Clay wings and a smoking gun
But the rays are mental, the ground crowded
And everyone’s quiet. Why has no one shouted?

A wheel rolls and comes around.
Enough time for It to be found?
Faster and larger the cycle becomes,
With fewer and faster beats from the drums.

Tighter and tighter the coil turns
Amazing my mind learns and learns.
Fewer beats and a depleted well
Time to dig. Morals to sell.

Blurry is comfort. Cloudy is secure.
Keep safe from that inner lure.
That dangerous voice lurking deep inside
That thing from which you constantly hide.

I am careful approximation.
Non-defined. Little specification.
I hope I never find that voice
Surfacing confrontational choice.

Senses dulled and eyes dimmed
Colour neutral and claws trimmed.
Slack your thirst on diminishing returns.
Don’t stop or else it burns.

Meanwhile those brave few
Flying on wings fashioned from glue
All the luck, everything’s their way.
I read 5% of what they say.

But I’m content, I’ve learned to adjust
My expectations, my trust and lust.
And I’m healthy, just ask the crowd.

Just don’t ask 10 year old me
If I’m proud.

Next steps:

a. Get started fixing yourself; or

b. Read more about the author’s own journey.

The post Reflections on a relationship ruining habit appeared first on Beat Death Grip.

If you are reading this, you know that is bullshit. “Try another position”, “get out of your own head”, “get the proper visuals in your head”, “get more turned on”, “just make do finishing with your hand” and the like are not the final solution. Natural, happy, giggle inducing sex that leaves you and your partner happily satisfied is your birthright. And there is a path to getting there.

Go straight to the Cure Death Grip Plan

Death Grip Syndrome is characterised by:

1. An inability to masturbate with lubricant or with a sex toy;
2. A reliance on a particular hand motion (often dry) to achieve ejaculation; and
3. Often accompanied by a dependency on fantasy or pornography to achieve the arousal needed to climax.

You are probably reading this because you, or your partner, are unable to have ‘successful’ sex. By that, I mean the male in the party is unable to ejaculate through intercourse, or by any other method that isn’t manual masterbation. This is a horrible situation to be in, and can lead to problems with your sex life, low self esteem for you and your partner, and even the eventual failure of your relationships. I know. I’ve been there, too.

So, what is Death Grip Syndrome?

‘Death Grip’ is a term used to describe the hypothesised causal link between the grip used to masturbate and the [stimulation + arousal] that triggers the [orgasm + ejaculation] response. While the term is gaining prominence in psychology as it seemingly becomes more common, it typically is nested below the umbrella condition of ‘Delayed Ejaculation’ – meaning a requirement for significant stimulation to ejaculate, or not being able to ejaculate at all.

Can the grip of your hand really impact your ability to orgasm with others?

Unfortunately, for what seems like a small subset of the male population (including me), yes. Why is this the case for some and not others? We don’t currently know.

How do I know if I have Death Grip?

One easy test is to ask yourself this: can you ejaculate when masturbating using lube?

If you cannot, chances are you have isolated the potential causes of unsuccessful ejaculation down to Death Grip.

The good news here – this is curable WITHOUT medical help / $100 psychology books / drugs / a life changing intervention / a tibetan pilgrimage finding the lost prayer scrolls of the long forgotten velociraptor sultan.

But it’s not just about Death Grip…

It is important to state here that Death Grip Syndrome is, somewhat mistakenly, becoming a catch-all term for other potential causes of Delayed Ejaculation. This is especially true on some subreddits. Here are some of the other potential causes:

• physiological causes of Erectile Dysfunction (hormones, nerve damage etc.);
• Pornography Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) (potentially related to DGS);
• psychological causes (trust issues, fantasy dependence, poor mindfulness), and
• medication causes (antidepressants).

For my own Delayed Ejaculation, here is what I self diagnosed with:

This website will seek to provide the latest information on most of the above causes, but disclaim clearly where general advice should cease and specialist advice be sought.

However, no matter what the ultimate cause of your Delayed Ejaculation problem, the DGS Community offers information and an anonymous forum to help:

1. Learn about what is stopping your birthright to have great sex and relationships.
2. Implement tried and tested strategies to fix yourself.
3. Support others on their journey (everything takes willpower).
4. Reclaim your masculinity, and delight your partners with sexually realised desire.

Who am I to talk? I’m a recovered DGS sufferer. You can read more about my own journey and what worked for me here. I have battled this condition for 13 years and only recently conquered it.

What should I do next?

If you are suffering from Death Grip, Delayed Ejaculation or Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction, you should read our action plan to understand what is needed to address these conditions.

References:
Yourbrainonporn – one of the few places you can go and find dedicated research on the link between your brain, your penis, your ejaculation threshold, porn and masturbation.

The post What is Death Grip Syndrome? appeared first on Beat Death Grip.

if you are struggling to maintain a healthy sexual relationship with your partner, porn consumption may very well be a factor. Steps to ‘rewire’ your brain are simple to do, but it involves breaking an addiction.

Of the research asserting porn induced erectile dysfunction is a thing, the research tells us brains consume porn just like any other addiction; in fact, it may be worse than that – our natural brain function and reward circuitry are actually geared to turn us into porn junkies. The best source we have found discussing this possibility, and therefore derive the steps one can take to mitigate this as a potential blocker to a normal, sex filled life, is from the youbrainonporn webisite. We will be drawing from this site’s research to provide a quick synthesis of what could be happening in your brain, and how to address it.

Skip to curing PIED and Death Grip

But first:

Do I have Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED)?

The best way to answer this is to ask yourself some of the following questions

Can you orgasm with a real life partner without the use of porn?

Another question to ask is:

Can you get an erection and ejaculate without the use of any porn?

If the answer is no to either or both of these questions, porn may have become more of a dependency than a recreational viewing activity.

I may have PIED… What is going on with my brain?

First, you are programmed to want new women all the time (Coolridge Effect)

Essentially, we are programmed to spread our genes far and wide. That means we have a preference for new sexual partners instead of the same partners we have already been with. This is called the Coolridge Effect, and is best illustrated by a male rat in a lab with 5 other females. The male will quickly mate with all of the females, but will then slow down in sexual activity. This is because for repeated mating with the same females, less and less dopamine will be released into the brain’s reward circuitry. But, introduce a new female, and the male will practically pounce on them with renewed vigor, and be rewarded with a big dopamine load.

So what? We don’t exactly each have a harem of women to sleep with. But porn streaming sites do offer an endless supply of new, perfectly proportioned and lusty women ready for your consuming pleasure, just like your own harem. This constant ability to ‘keep scrolling’ releases pleasure hormones in our brain, telling it that we’re kings of the world copulating with so many prime females. It makes it hard to stop, especially when your flywheel of new women being consumed each week is high, and another dopamine hit is ‘just a click away’.

As yourbrainonporn states – “novelty, novelty, more novelty.”

Second, your brain is malleable (brain plasticity), and can be hard wired to need porn

We are naturally driven by dopamine – the brain rewards us with it when we do something that should be reinforced. Like eating good food or defeating an adversary. If we repeat something over and over again, and get the dopamine hit, we actually wire our brains a certain way. This is particularly true in our formative adolescence, such as when you are a thirteen year old masturbating daily. Research indicates that this may even shift your orgasm trigger to becoming completely ‘master-hand stroking plus visual of X actions happening’ reliant.

The fear is that if this is established very early, such as very early in puberty, it could have a profound impact on one’s ability to function normally. Also, it turns out that we are at the height of our dopamine production, and therefore malleability, when we are a teen.

The good news here is that the brain is malleable. Wasn’t that the bad news? Well yes, and no. Just as you *may* have learnt to orgasm only under strict, specific criteria, you can also unlearn this as well. How? See below.

Third, video porn is far more arousing than images

“Porn has been around for generations” I hear you cry. “Where are the PIED cases from them?”

Well, it turns out that video porn is exceptionally more arousing than plain images. But you already know this. When was the last time you elected to look at a static image website for masturbation instead of a video streaming website?

It’s also possible to skip to certain scenes quickly or switch between videos with ease while masturbating, meaning that it the viewer gets used to a huge influx of novelty each masturbation session. You can get exactly what you want to see, from twenty different girls that suit you, all in the space of 5 minutes from compilation videos. And that may not be enough.

There is plenty more research available at yourbrainonporn, and I recommend a thorough read to understand the gravity of what you are going through. For me, it put a halt to my porn surfing for good.

So how do I fix my brain and my penis? And the future of my ability to have a relationship?

You give yourself a break from porn and masturbation.

The ‘nerves that fire together wire together’ need to be allowed time to disassociate and perish over time. The advice that is out there is a timeline of 90 days to really ‘get to baseline’. This can be a very difficult time, but in the author’s experience, after 30 days, it gets significantly easier.

After you find your new baseline, it’s time to retrain yourself on how to orgasm with something resembling a vagina.

If you think this may describe you, you should read more about actually addressing it with our Action Plan here.

Questions? Objections? Rage? Sadness? Feel free to reach out to me. I’d love to include other’s stories and eventually a forum on here so we can all speak to each other more. I hope to hear from you!

References:

Yourbrainonporn – readings for all things related to studies about porn’s impact on the brain

The post Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction (PIED) – Do I have it? appeared first on Beat Death Grip.